Louise Palanker: Planning for Weight Loss, Sexually Confused, Feeling Ugly | Homes & Lifestyle

Question from Liam

I’m overweight for my age. I want to be accepted and lose weight before school starts back. Any thoughts?

Weezy

You can visit a doctor and ask him for a healthy weight loss plan that is appropriate for a child. I also recommend that you speak to your parents about keeping healthy foods in the house so that your choices are limited to things that are good and good for you.

Stay away from snacks that come in a bag or a box. Healthy foods are fresh foods. Food that would actually spoil if you left it out is the food your body needs. Also, drink lots of water.

Eat only when you are hungry and stop when you are full. Eat slowly and listen to your body. Do you feel full? If you do, stop eating! No matter how good the food on your plate still looks to you, wrap it up and eat it later. If you must have dessert, wait an hour after dinner before eating it.

Let your body digest the calories you have just consumed. Your body can only metabolize so much food at one time. What it does not need for energy, it will store as fat. So, if you split up your calories throughout the day and stop eating four hours before bedtime, you will lose weight and stay healthy.

Yes, eating feels amazing for the minutes you spend doing it. Being healthier feels wonderful all day long.

(The Health Nerd video)

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Question from Jayna

Alright here it goes … my boyfriend and I have been together for four months. I love him dearly and he loves me as well, but recently he told me he’s very attracted to trans girls, and I can’t satisfy those sexual urges.

I’ve always been interested in girls, and I consider myself bi. I’m super open minded sexually, therefore I’m not shocked when he told me this. We started talking about having threesomes with a trans girl here and there. We both think it would be fun.

My only worry is that what if I’m not good enough. It’s not even his fault, but what if I can’t satisfy his needs. I want to be everything for him, and make him happy but I’m scared I won’t be able to. Someone please help.

Weezy

Your boyfriend has revealed his truth to you and you are not quite ready to accept it as reality. But in your efforts to sustain this relationship you should only stretch outside of your own comfort zone to the point where stretching still feels natural and consensual. If you allow yourself to go past that place just in the hopes of keeping the guy, you will both compromise your own integrity and lose the guy.

Remain true to yourself. You are beyond “good enough” for the right person.

Your boyfriend is being honest with you about his own needs. But he is asking you to share a sexual experience with a third individual and that will come with a price. Things could become very complicated very quickly. Sex is never just sex. That third person will come with thoughts and feelings and ideas and emotions and energy that will have an impact on every aspect of your lives.

To me it sounds like you are forcing this to feel OK. I say that because in your letter to me you say you’re OK with a threesome but then come right back around to wanting to satisfy his needs and be everything for him. Sadly, he has just told you that you can’t do that.

There is nothing that says you must be sexually open minded enough to happily share your guy. I can’t recommend that you agree to the threesome. It’s a problem inviting another problem.

Continue talking this through with him but don’t agree to something that just doesn’t seem or feel right. Begin considering that you and this guy may be destined for different paths.

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Question from Calllie

So, this is probably going to sound really stupid but, I really like this guy in the grade above me but I’m pretty ugly and he’s really funny and popular. I added him on Snapchat and he added me back, and I really want to message him but I don’t know what to say. I’ve asked my friends but they’re not helping my anxiety.

Weezy

It does not sound remotely stupid. Most kids get crushes, and sometimes kids develop feelings for someone who is not a very realistic match for a variety of different reasons.

I am not comfortable with your using the word “ugly” to describe yourself. First of all, you are still busy growing up and you have not yet acquired the appearance that will take you through your adult life. You are a work in progress. Be kind. Second of all, we’re all different and unique in our own ways. We are drawn to each other (or not) as a result of so many different and often intangible forces. You are worthy of dating anyone who clicks with you.

However, in high school, friend groups can be very specific and you two may be in very different orbits. You already understand that so be realistic about reaching out. Do it in a way that feels natural. You can like something he has posted and maybe comment. I must confess that I don’t know a lot about how Snapchat works but you may want to get to know him better in real life before you in-box him.

Always know that any friendship is possible and that any friendship can lead to romance, but you will only date one person at a time and most of the people you know and love will not ever become a romantic partner. That in no way invalidates the connection. Every friendship brings value to your life just as you bring value to the lives of your friends.

So, get to know the boy! Let the rest unfold as it should.

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Got a question for Weezy? Email her at [email protected] and it may be answered in a subsequent column.

— Louise Palanker is a co-founder of Premiere Radio Networks, the author of a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age novel called Journals, a comedian, a filmmaker (click here to view her documentary, Family Band: The Cowsills Story), a teacher and a mentor. She also hosts a weekly video podcast called Things I Found Online, and teaches a free stand-up comedy class for teens at the Jewish Federation of Greater Santa Barbara. Click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.


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